The Monster at the End of the Internet

Second Muppet-related post in 24 hours, btw.

Ghostbusters Deleted Scenes

Note Egon eating the candy bar Peter gave to him in the prior scene. ("I'm gonna take back some of the things I said about you.")

Today's thinkings

I was thinking about death earlier, specifically my wishes for what is to become of my Earthly meatbody once my immortal soul has ascended to its Heavenly reward (I'm hoping for an eternity of new Misfits of Science episodes).
I decided that, when I die, I want all my squishy parts to be ground up and fed to a serval. Then, I would like for what comes out of the serval after he's done eating me to be used to fertilize a single titan arum (also known as the corpse flower), which is to be planted in the exact center of Stonehenge.
The occasion of its putrescent blooming shall be one of global significance, as tens of millions gather upon the plains of southern England for a free Apples in Stereo concert. The concert shall conclude with my being burned in effigy. A brief mass suicide will follow.
As for my skeleton, I want it to be put on permanent display outside the Lego Store at the Mall of America, except for one of my ribs which I want sharpened into a shiv and used to stab Dane Cook, and my right femur, which I want Amy Winehouse to wear in her hair, cave-woman style.

G'nite, Ma.

Dorothy: Oh Ma, why did I ever marry that man?
Sophia: Because he knocked you up.
Dorothy: Why did I ever let that happen?
Sophia: Because he got you drunk.
Dorothy: Why am I having this conversation with you?!
Sophia: Beats the hell out of me!

I miss my radio show.

Popes get to pet anything they want

Now I want to be pope, so I can pet a koala.

That koala looks like he's thinking, "Sorry, mate, I'm Lutheran."

Ventings

I don't expect anyone to give a shit, but I'm in a nasty mood and i'd just like to make a few points about things that have been seriously putting a strain on my usual good-natured, happy-go-lucky demeanor.

1. Software sucks. Specifically, RSS readers and aggregators for the Macintosh. I've been using NetNewsWire for a while since it was the only one I'd found that didn't make me want to puke deadly acid on kittens. But tonight all my subscriptions disappeared and I can't re-import them, so... yeah. Suck. Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck. Oh, blogging software too. I used one called Ecto for a while which was just worse than useless. I'm testing out a program called Blogo. It's a bit early to tell, but the fact that it can't seem to show what I type on the screen AT THE SAME RATE AT WHICH I TYPE IT does NOT bode well. It also has one of those splash screens that a lot of apps seem to have these days and I'm afraid if I ever have to see it again, I will put my fist through my monitor. Oh, and no automatic spell checking. AND they want $25 for it. Fuck.
2. If the Internet were a person, I would shoot that person in the face. It would be a mercy killing, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy it. Oh, and yeah, the first letter of the last sentence is bolded, because "Blogo" (such a fun and hip name!) wouldn't let me change it, so I'm just going to leave it as visual proof that, sadly, this sofware, too, is shit. Where was I. Oh yeah, I hate the internet. I won't go into why. Just... man. Right in the face. In front of it's own mama.

Well, that was a productive use of my precious time.

"Tell him about the twinkie."

The local moving picture show house is holding a free screening of one of the three or four best movies to feature a giant, evil ambulatory marshmallow tomorrow morning. It's a kid's matinee, or something, but I'd gladly pay $20 to see Ghostbusters in a proper movie theater, which I didn't get to do when it was first released... deep breath... 24 years ago. Oh god.
Anyway, I dislike '80s nostalgia. Actually I'm opposed to nostalgia for any decade, except the '90s, of which I'm only nostalgic for a discontinuous span of about a year and a half. But the '80s were pretty horrible. All that hot pink and hairspray and Steve Gutenburg all over the place. But "Ghostbusters," has aged amazingly well. Apart from the unfortunate montage scene, it doesn't *feel* like an '80s movie. It's also funny and has a plot and stuff. It's no "Love Guru," of course, but it'll hold us over until "Love Guru 2: Electric Boo-Guru" is released.

New shirts

The brain is said to be our largest sexual organ. Of course, whoever said that probably never saw "Lust in the Lab 12: SeXXXothermic Reactions." (From the box: "Sizzling sexologist Dr. Mandi Munroe is desperate to see her data on the function of monoamine neurotransmitters in the the bilateral cingulate gyri of male rats published in Tulane University's prestigious Journal of Fucking, but first she's going to have to 'present her findings' to a very horny peer review board!")
Ok, that sentence took 35 minutes to write and now I've forgotten whatever it was I was planning on saying. My point is; please buy stuff so I can afford more porn.

Today's Giggle!™

Q: What's the fruitiest subject in school?

A: History, because it's full of "dates"!

If you got a giggle out of today's
"Today's Giggle!"™
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Face to face with G'Kar

Warning: A goodly chunk of this post won't be of any interest to anyone except Babylon 5 fans. It was originally just supposed to be a link to something about a G'Kar mask but came down with a severe case of post bloat, or "ploat" which I now officially neologize and claim credit for.

Fifteen years ago, the world was a very different place. Bill and Hillary Clinton had just usurped the presidency and taken away our guns and bibles; cars idled in driveways the whole night through thanks to our endless supply of $1.00 per gallon gas; and love-struck girls flocked from as far away as Shongaloo in the hopes of catching even the briefest glimpse of my flowing, lemon-tinted mullet.
It was also the year that we got our first look at Babylon 5. The B5 pilot movie, "The Gathering" aired in February and, Great Maker, it was really bad.
I might not have thought so at the time. I only saw a few episodes of the series when it aired a year later, because I was far too busy talking on Foothills studying and going to class on time.
By 1995, for reasons which are wholly uninteresting and irrelevant so mind your own business, I had a good deal more time on my hands. Time, and the stubborn odor of pizza sauce.
At some point I heard a little about what Joe Straczynski was doing with B5 in terms of its long-form, "novel for television" approach to narrative. I gave it another try and eventually got into it. Actually, I didn't do a lot of thinking or talking about anything else for a couple years. It was kinda sad.
Ultimately I don't think B5 lived up to its potential. B5 was important in that it paved the way for 'arc shows' like Lost, Buffy and Battlestar Galactica. It was also pretty cringe-inducingly awful at times; such as those times which called for there to be actors on screen saying things. Babylon 5's dialog was often comparable to a bright pink plastic briar patch: artificial, convoluted and painful to experience.
Much of the credit about what was good about B5, dramatically at least, goes to Mira Furlan, Andreas Katsulas and Peter Jurasik. The fact that they could breathe some life and believability into JMS's dialogue is a testament to their abilities as actors.
A couple years ago, very sadly, Andreas Katsulas died from an acute case of having been a heavy smoker for forty years. Ridiculously, Richard Biggs and Tim "Probably have very sad death" Choate have also died.
Anyway. Some B5 fans got together and bought one of A.K.'s G'Kar masks and donated it to some museum. No word on when they may acquire Mira Furlan's latex headbone or Michael O'Hare's wooden delivery.

Devo Whips McDonalds. Good.

from boingboing:

Devo is suing McDonald's over New Wave Nigel, a toy that the fast food restaurant gives away with some Happy Meals. New Wave Nigel is part of an American Idol-related line of freebies based on various genres of music.

Devo's Jerry Casale has the best quote: "They didn't ask us anything. Plus, we don't like McDonald's, and we don't like American Idol, so we're doubly offended."